Needing to post in a forum to accumulate enough points to maintain my free web hosting is starting to become a pain. The action of posting in the forums becomes a brain drain and saps any inspiration I initially had. So today, even though I’m at  a negative fourteen or so in points, I decided to forgo the maintenance. I’m not exactly sure how negative I have to become before I lose the hosting service, but I’m sure I can make up the points at some later time.

Sometimes opening my spirit, which also entails the opening of my heart, touches on such raw feelings that it becomes embarrassing, especially when attempting to pray out from the depths of one’s being. Perhaps that’s why I find myself intentionally hardening my heart and closing off my being, resisting the call to enter into the Holy of Holies. But eventually, you have to get to your spirit, if not for your own sake, at least for the sake of others. Then it becomes hard to hold it back. Good things the brothers just continue on as if things were normal.

I just remembered what I really wanted to post last night.

The saints, when they are in spirit…wow.

…what depth of  experience and wisdom.

“When we have a surplus of life, we can minister from this supply to others” (Crystallization-Study Outlines—The Epistle of John, Msg. 11).

Yeah…about that surplus…….

Was browsing my connections on LinkedIn today and noticed that one of my friends was listed as a VP at a multinational financial firm. And the thought at the forefront of all the other thoughts was, “…and I’m only an analyst.” I’m not that ambitious, but it makes me think, “Could I have also gotten there if I applied myself?” I guess the question isn’t so much do I want to be there, but whether I could have. And then I reflect on what I’m doing with my life.

Sometimes I feel like the frog in the well.

While I was brushing my teeth tonight, I thought whether I could take a week or two to go somewhere different, maybe exotic, maybe like Nepal. And then I thought, why just a week or two, why not take off for something like a year and just travel? If I’m not ambitious to be something, at least I should find out what’s outside of the well. I could take my Prius and drive around America, live off my investment account, experiencing the different cities, towns, communities. And not just drive through and look at the sites like a tourist, but stop somewhere for a few weeks, find some temp job at a grocer, interact with the locals, live. Problem is, I’d still have to consciously make myself talk to people. I guess when it comes down to it, chatting up strangers is still not my preferred resting state.

Had a good chunk of time last evening, which I took advantage of by heading over towards the RSF. Really needed those endorphins. I figured a $12 day pass would be worth it if I could get more than two hours worth of exercise. So I played pick up ball from 8PM until 10PM and then did weights for the last half hour.

I must’ve not stretched well enough or had enough water between games, b/c right in the middle of the third one, my left leg (calf) suddenly cramped up on me. Ow. Well, not suddenly – I felt it a little bit after a jump, and then I tried to run, and then it cramped up. So I had to sit out and stretch it a little. Played a fourth game after that and it was reasonably okay, so I thought, good, that’s that.

Except not.

Apparently, I must’ve been sleeping something fierce, because just a few minutes ago, the left calf cramped up again. Now that was worse. Partly b/c you don’t expect sleep to be so tense that your leg up and cramps on you. Partly b/c it just hurt more…I think. But yes, not the most pleasant experience. It went kind of like this: ZzzzzZzzzzzzZzzzzzz…!!!!?!?!! Ooooo LORD JESUS. Lord Jesus. O Lord. O Lord. *whimpering* O Lord. O Lord.

Gah. How I hate sore throats. And I hate how they start too.

Your throat feels normal
→ you eat a sandwich for dinner
→ it feels like maybe a bread crumb got lodged in your throat
→ minor nuisance but not too big a deal
→ prayer meeting
→ irritant in throat spreads out
→ sore throat.

Bugs the heck out of me, not just because it’s a sore throat, but you think that maybe you wouldn’t have gotten it if you didn’t eat that sandwich.

Lame. It better not derail my long walk on the SF shoreline tomorrow night.

Thought consoles us for all, and heals all. If at times it does you ill, ask it for the remedy for that ill and it will give it to you.

— CHAMFORT, The Cynic’s Breviary

A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.

— JAMES ALLEN, As a Man Thinketh

“Beside You, I have no one,
In heaven or on the earth.”

— “Take me Lord,” New Zealand Blue Songbook

“There is little willingness within me
To place all I am before Thy feet
So I lay my hands on Thy dear head, Lord
As the burnt off’ring, perfect, complete.

Lord, You are the only One who offered
Yourself without reluctance unto God
Full obedience to the Father given
Absolute, You sacrificed Your all.

As this One, You’re dwelling in my spirit
Moving, spreading outward day by day
There’s a whisper of Amen within me
In response to all that You would say.”

“But to Him who is able to do superabundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power which operates in us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus unto all the generations forever and ever. Amen.” — Ephesians 3:20-21

That makes so much sense.

In other news, dinner consisted of a slice of leftover quesadilla (the cheese in which I somehow managed to microwave extra crispy – not the good crispy, the hard to bite into crispy), a handful of brussel sprouts, and a cup of Greek yogurt.

Watched the presidential debates tonight. It was kind of hilarious at times, and I kept on imagining which parts SNL would incorporate into their sketch, b/c these debates are always pure comedic gold. I felt really bad for the moderator, since the candidates kept interrupting him to get in another word even though he was trying to keep the debate progressing to the other sections. In spite of seeming like such a mild mannered old man, near the end of the program, it was clear that he was visibly frustrated from being talked over again and again.