…and I figure I’d also post this one since I also liked these two stanzas.

“Not what I am, O Lord, but what Thou art;
That, that alone, can be my soul’s true rest;
Thy love, not mine, bids fear and doubt depart,
And stills the tempest of my tossing breast.”

“More of Thyself, Oh, show me, hour by hour;
More of Thy glory, O my God and Lord;
More of Thyself in all Thy grace and power;
More of Thy love and truth, Incarnate Word.”

1. Be still, my heart! these anxious cares
   To thee are burdens, thorns and snares;
   They cast dishonor on the Lord,
   And contradict His gracious word.
2. Brought safely by His hand thus far,
   Why wilt thou now give place to fear?
   How canst thou want if He provide,
   Or lose thy way with such a Guide?
3. When first before His mercy-seat
   Thou didst to Him thine all commit;
   He gave thee warrant from that hour
   To trust His wisdom, love, and power.
4. Did ever trouble yet befall,
   And He refuse to hear thy call?
   And has He not His promise passed,
   That thou shalt overcome at last?
5. He who has helped me hitherto
   Will help me all my journey through,
   And give me daily cause to raise
   New Ebenezers to His praise.
6. Though rough and thorny be the road,
   It leads thee on, apace, to God;
   Then count thy present trials small,
   For God will make amends for all.

from Watchman Nee, The Overcoming Life

This is the way many people commit their affairs to God. On the one hand, they say that they have committed everything to God. But on the other hand, their hearts are not at ease, and all the time they glance back. If you want to take control, He will not take control; instead, He will allow you to take control of yourself. If you will not take control anymore, He will take control and will bear the full responsibility…What does it mean to surrender? It means to leave the money on the ground and turn around and walk away. It means to ignore. It does not matter whether the children take the money away or the rickshaw man or a pedestrian takes it away. You do not worry about it anymore, and you do not take responsibility for it anymore. You need only to say to the Lord, “Lord, I give everything to You.” Once you commit yourself to God this way, God will surely receive what you have committed to Him. All that we need to do is to hand over what we have to the Lord.

We have to let go first before God will pick up what we have let go…Brothers and sisters, one of our greatest sins is an evil heart of unbelief. We try to control ourselves and suppress ourselves every day…We wonder what would happen if we did not control or suppress ourselves. When we preach the gospel to an unbeliever, we tell him that he should not worry about anything, because Christ has died for him; he needs only to believe and he will receive everything. In the same way, we have been crucified with Christ, and Christ is living within us. Thank and praise God that Christ is our Head and we are His members. Christ is the vine and we are the branches. He is our life and our everything. When we are removed, when we give up, resign, and turn away, Christ will begin to take over.

“Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid?
Your heart, does the Spirit control?
You can only be blest and have peace and sweet rest,
As you yield Him your body and soul.”

-Hymn 448, chorus

These past few days have been hectic. Okay, more like hectic to the 5th power. The process of moving to a new apartment (even if it is just literally next door), is no fun. I pretty much stayed up ’til 4am Monday night trying to completely empty my old apartment. Somewhere along the way, I gave up trying to simultaneously juggle moving and organizing everything into their proper place and, instead, just began setting the boxes down wherever there was space, giving my new apartment a kind of “bomb-just-went-off-in-here” look. But then that means I got to spend the majority of my Tuesday, beginning at 8:30am, unpacking and organizing the new apartment, which mostly entailed a redo of thorough cleaning (and this is when I was originally planning a day-trip to SF). >:( Even then, I only managed to take care of the kitchen; I still have a whole mess of boxes sitting around my desk that need sorting through and putting away.

And then there’s today. Woke up at 7am. Spent some time (way too little) with the Lord. Then started loading my siblings boxes/possessions from storage into my car (I am officially their moving service), filling it…to the brim. Ran a few errands, did a little bit more organizing (including but not limited to, putting up framed quotes), and washed the rags. Then tidied myself up a bit, ironed a shirt, and squeezed a bit of interview prep in there at the end. Left the apartment in a rush at 1:15pm for my job interview, which I thought I was so going to be late for but ended up getting there on the dot. Spent 2 1/2 hours at the interview site, swung by to see my cousin briefly, and then began my long drive down the 85/101/152/5 to Socal. Somehow, even though I hate driving exhausted, it somehow always manages to pan out like that. (It freaks me out to be conscious that I’m nodding off and yet still not able to prevent it from happening.) Talk about insanity.

On another note, while others may stuff their faces with gallons of ice cream, I seem to indulge in fine dining instead as a coping mechanism. I have tried gorging on a pint of ice cream before, during my last semester in college, but it didn’t quite work for me. Actually made me feel more disgusted with myself than comforted. Good food on the other hand…mmm…roasted lamb sandwich and baked goat cheese salad @ Café Fanny.